I had a very busy and social week. Introvert extroverting. For the past few months I’ve had very slow weeks (in order to rest and recuperate) and come, almost every, January I always find myself hibernating and feeling somewhat isolated. This past week, however, felt more like July (not in terms of weather I assure you. The mercury was locking in at a whopping one degrees). Get togethers, sports events, birthdays, and sunny hair highlights. I found myself feeling less isolated, but
I’m also finding that by today (Friday) I’m now ready for some introverting. Me and the keys. Me and a book. Me and my journal. Me just sitting and thinking. I fit the true definition of an introvert in that quite, alone time is how I recharge and what energizes me. It’s interesting to watch the balance and see where the scales tip. They’ve tipped to extreme introverting in recent months and that has felt off balance for me too, and reminded me how much we are created for community and relationships and how much I desire that in my life.
I must confess that at times I feel guilty for being an introvert. As if it is an annoying character trait. That because I need larger amounts of alone time, I’m selfish or inconsiderate of others or not a people person. Have you felt this way too? I don’t dislike this part of my personality, it’s just that I perceive, sometimes, others do. I happen to like this part of me, actually. It makes me a more interesting and pleasant person to be around when I do spend time with others.
They say (I don’t know who to quote here, but let’s just say I heard this a lot on the Oprah show) that you really get to know who you are in your thirties. I’m nearing the last few years of my thirties and I’d say it’s three parts really…. Knowing who you really are, learning to like the person that you are, and learning accepting yourself. It’s also a time to not give over to “I am not enough,” or “I am too much.” Because usually it’s one or the other and in any given week maybe both. I am too much. I will never be enough. I’ve always wanted to be enough. Good enough. I’m not. You’re not. I will never be. But, I’m finally grasping that it really doesn’t matter, because I can’t to be good enough. It’s now who I am. It’s who God is. God is enough. He is good.
These days, when I feel I’m not enough, or too much, I sometimes walk away from the moment and whisper a prayer of thanks for the intricate way I was woven together. I remember Psalm 139. I remember God knit me together, thoughtfully. My need for quiet is not random, it’s how I’m wired. My desire for community and meaningful friendships is how I’m woven.
I’m introvert. I can extrovert.
Here is too introverting or extroverting and giving thanks for the way we are woven and wired.
Have a very social, quiet or little both kind of weekend, lovelies!