hi lovelies. i’m back from england with a tired body but rested heart. i can’t wait to share photos and stories with you next week. but, before i begin that i suppose i should start with, at least, one of the reasons why i traveled across the sea. a few weeks ago i wrote this in my journal :
i am tired. inside and out. the list of to do’s (mostly ones i’ve brought upon myself) is pretty long and i want to blow them off, almost, as much as my high school geometry homework.
all i want to do is read and write. write and read. look at words. hear them. ponder them. and think them. all the while, making making my own with an inky pen or the punchy click of my computer keys. stringing words together to make sense of my soul.
tired is no new companion of mine. tired has been with me more than i feel i’ve been with myself over the past 3 1/2 years. but, for the past 2 years, tired has taken over. yes, partly by my invitation. i invite tired when i can’t shut the computer down. tired accompanies me when a book won’t stop speaking to me and, of course, it yells for me when a little one is crying in the night.
truthfully, i’ve managed to live with this kind of tired. only regretting the dark circles it has stamped upon my face. it’s the other kind of tired i just can’t seem to shake. the heaviness of life, kind of tired. the weight of the world. my world and maybe, like, 9 other worlds that circle around me. i’ve gotten to the point where i’ve realized i can’t carry these worlds – can’t even keep them spinning. not even my own little world.
it’s a good place to be, i suppose.
i’m not sure i can shake all of the things that make me tired. and honestly some of the “things” are actually the very things that have been life giving and sustaining.
perhaps, i should forget all about tired. maybe it is rest that needs to come for a stay? to gently nudge me to take a break or loudly scream into my stubborn ear….”leave it until tomorrow, it will be here.”
what is rest anyways? it’s different for each and everyone of us. and why does guilt seem to be a traveling companion of rest? why has rest taken on a negative trait and tired boasts a badge of accomplishment?
rest is not a place but sometimes comes from going places.
and so i went somewhere. i didn’t have the time to write (as much) or read like i had imagined but the right words found me. several times over again. and i’m pretty certain that a few right words are far better than many meaningless ones (the right word at the right time is like a custom-made piece of jewelry. proverbs 25:11).
my eyes are still good and tired (have any favorite magic lotions or potions you recommend?) and my body is dragging (i’m hoping to put together a plan for this) but my heart is rested and my soul is happy. i’m back from trip but i’m still on a journey.
tell me friends, how do you find rest? are you tired these days and do you feel guilty when you do take time for yourself?
i hope we can keep the conversation going. and, as i said, i’ll be sharing more next week on my trip.