Break. Beat. Bind. Beat.

marble

You guys….life!  My mind is swirling with so much life.  The life that we all are living.  You, me and the whole wide world.  The good and the bad.  The exhilarating and the devastating.  My heart sometimes feels like it is beating between breaks.  And because of that, my eyes are now wide awake to others with burdens and breaks.  Trying to carry the load or tuck it away, tirelessly, when no one is looking.

I guess I’m trying to make sense of some things that make no sense and so here I am writing it out, in the open, unpolished, and unproofed today.  I’m typing out the trials that are taking up space in my brain.  It may make no sense, but maybe to someone it will make all the sense in the world and I guess that is why I will hit publish today, rather than pondering in private in my journal.

 

 

We spent a good portion of last night in the basement.  Sirens sounding.  Storms swirling.  Tornados touching down.  As I watched the path, I got a little panicky about my dad.  He was in the path.  And, this morning I’m thanking God for his protection as I watch still shots shown on the national news that are literally just up the street from his house.  I’m thinking of those that did lose their homes, their pets, their pieces of history.  It kind of wound me up last night and I had a hard time finding peace and my pillow.  And, this is just a portion.  A dear friend who’s sweet two year old was recently diagnosed with rare lymphoma.  A family divorce.  This morning we received a devastating call about a beloved family member.  Beat.  Break.  Beat.  Get the kids ready for school.  Wrestle with a toddler.  Navigate a pre-teen.  Beat.  Break.  Beat.  Try to move on with has to be done.  Heart stuck with family member.  Break.  Stop and pray.  Beat.  Beat.  Continue on and question.  Break.  Trust God with those that I love and with my entire life.  Beat.  Beat.  Beat.  Tell myself not to focus on why.  Remind myself that this is a broken world.  I’m told, warned even, that there will be trials and difficulties. Break.  Break.  Break.  And, but.  But…. “Take heart”, I’m told, “I have overcome the world.  You will not be abonded.  You will be unshakeable and deeply at peace (John 16:31-33).”  Beat.  Beat.  Beat.  And, this is where break begins to bind.  Where broken, again, believes in beauty.  I will not leave you.  Bind.  “Peace I leave with you.  Not as the world gives do I give to you.”  Beat.  “Do not let your heart be troubled, neither let them be afraid.”  Bind.  Bind.  Beat.  Bind.  And, before you know it the rhythm is bind and beat.  And, yes, you will feel the bite of broken again.  Because, your eyes are awake to it.  You are sensitive to the sight of it in others.  And likely, you may have to brave it again, one day (remember it’s a broken world we live in).  But, now, peace is the balm you apply to the break (on others and yourself).  Then . . . . Bind.  Bind.  Beat.  Beat.  Beat.   A potent peace.  Potentent because it is from a place other than this broken blue and green planet.  This peace comes from the high heavens and, yet, makes it’s home deep in our hearts, by way of The Prince of Peace, Jesus.  And, so the beat goes on.

Love to you all.  If you are going through a difficult time, I’m praying, specifically, for you today, that peace Himself would be the balm to your broken.

xo. t

image via here

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Responses

  • Dawn
    Commented on April 10th, 2015 at 4:30pm

    Yes. This post. Oh, sweet sister, I get it.

  • Trina
    Commented on April 13th, 2015 at 3:34pm

    XO Dawn! XO

  • Jo
    Commented on April 12th, 2015 at 10:55am

    Ahhhh. Beautiful. You have put words to my own thoughts and emotions. Thank you.

  • Trina
    Commented on April 13th, 2015 at 3:34pm

    Thank you, Jo. I had to work it out in words, myself! xo . t

  • paula
    Commented on April 14th, 2015 at 9:43am

    sometimes i think you live in my head. So grateful we finally got to meet.

  • Trina
    Commented on April 15th, 2015 at 10:41am

    hahaha. I know that feeling. so glad we got to meet, too! xo. t

  • Maria del mar
    Commented on April 15th, 2015 at 4:14am

    I took the time to read your post and I hope you will receive good energy to go through this moment. You are strong. You are handling life’s battles and still staying strong for your family! Go Trina!!!

  • Trina
    Commented on April 15th, 2015 at 10:31am

    thank you for taking the time to read, maria and for the encouragement. i really appreciate it! xoxo . trina

  • BON WEEKEND! | Wild & Pine
    Commented on October 22nd, 2017 at 10:30pm

    […] Trina McNeilly writes such moving words, and this post really affected […]

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