Being Friends

Friendship

It’s Friday and I’m thinking about friendship. Thanking God for friendship, really.

Do you remember the days when you would write B/F/F at the bottom of letters that you passed in class? I remember some girls changing B/F/F’s more often than their clothes. And I’ve known some school-made B/F/F’s to last a lifetime. My mom’s elementary  B/F/F is her B/F/F to this day.

It’s easy to try to categorize your friendships and try to make them fit into an elementary B/F/F mold when nothing about life is elementary any more. I did this for a long time. I didn’t realize what I’ve kind of always known about myself . . .

Friendship

It’s Friday and I’m thinking about friendship. Thanking God for friendship, really.

Do you remember the days when you would write B/F/F at the bottom of letters that you passed in class? I remember some girls changing B/F/F’s more often than their clothes. And I’ve known some school-made B/F/F’s to last a lifetime. My mom’s elementary B/F/F is her B/F/F to this day.

It’s easy to try to categorize your friendships and try to make them fit into an elementary B/F/F mold when nothing about life is elementary any more. I did this for a long time. I didn’t realize what I’ve kind of always known about myself . . .

I’m a person who is friends with many but close friends with few.

Last night I had dinner with a childhood friend. My first friend ever, actually. Our dad’s were friends and by default, at four years old, so were we. She moved away from our small town in early elementary. A few years later we moved to the same neighboring town. I was crying on moving day, in front of our new house, because I didn’t want to leave the home I had always known, the familiar. And while I was wallowing out front I saw my best friend Ali playing with my new neighbors. It was friendship fate. I found out she lived within bike riding distance and we picked up right where we left off.  We went to different schools and led different lives, but we stayed in touch over the years and we get together from time to time. Last night I was thinking about what a gift it is to have a friend that knows your history and you know hers. You are like family.

Recently we were on vacation with friends and one night at dinner we started talking about personalities types and over steak they had me take this personality test. I skimmed my results quickly because I didn’t want to miss out on the conversation. I wasn’t surprised at all at by my INFJ results, but what caught my eye is what it told me about what I look for in friendship. I’m private, hard to get to know, loyal and I search for friendship soul-mates, life-long friends who share the same passions and ideals as me. Authenticity, quality time, and conversation are important to me. As is being silly and laughing until you cry. It’s a tall order.

I began thinking about the handful of close friends that I have …. A couple near home, a few far, and two across the sea.

The ones I was with that night in Florida at the steak house are old friends, dear friends. Friends we’ve been vacationing with for something like seventeen years, before either of us had kids. These days we drag along seven between us. We have years and years of memories. And so do our kids. We have history and they are like family.

For friends that are far we find ourselves voxing – it kind of reminds me of the days when you’d talk on the phone to your friends for hours. Talk. Listen. Talk. Listen. Laugh. Laugh. Laugh.

For a lot of years – – having baby kind of years, finding who you really are kind of years, hard time in life kind of years – -I had a really hard time figuring out what friendship should looked like, and why it was different than what I had known or was now expecting. I had ideals. I compared. And there were times when I really felt like I had no friends, when in actuality I did. Probably what I felt was … disconnected. Our minds can trick us like that. Maybe your mind is tricking you on what friendship should be or making you question if you have any friends at all? 

A couple years back my elementary form of friendship changed dramatically with a group of girls I was working on a project with. Over a coffee meeting we began to share our hearts and found shared passion. In a moment of authenticity, authentic friendships were formed.  You may remember me talking about Team Brave? We did some crazy things together like half marathons and sky-diving (well most of us – ahem) and we also walked through some scary crazy real life together.  As I type this post we are actually all texting back and forth about facing fear and baby diaper blow out…all the same conversation.

Friendship still doesn’t always look exactly the way that I thought it would. I’m no longer in high school and don’t hang out with friends every day, because – responsibilities. But I’m just as certain as I was in the 5th grade, 7th and 11th grade that friendship is the stuff that life is made of.

This year vacation looked a lot like laughing until it hurt, sharing our hearts over meaningful conversation and just doing nothing together (as well as fighting spring break crowds at Disney -ha). I felt like a new person when I came home. Well, not really a new person, actually more like myself. I came home and decided that I want more time with friends and more laughter in my life. I’m making that my responsibility.

If your friendships aren’t what you want them to be . . . Be the friend you want to have. Be there. Be authentic. Be silly. Be a good listener. Make space. Give space. Make memories. This is how friends become family.

If you have a friend(s) that have gone the distance with you tell them how grateful you are for them, today.

My heart is so grateful for friends that have lived life with me. Laughed with me, cried with me, given me space, got up in my space, see the best in me, love me at my worst, know my heart, listen to me, advise me, speak truth, make me laugh and act crazy with me.

Here is to friendship on this Friday! xx

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Responses

  • Denise
    Commented on May 13th, 2016 at 8:26pm

    I just loved your words today! Thank you! Keep on writing and I will keep on reading! xoxo

  • Trina
    Commented on May 14th, 2016 at 10:46am

    Thank you, Denise! Thank you for reading! xo . t

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