Before you read on…I’m considering a new series called “Dear Sister,”. I love letter writing–I believe it to be a lost art. For years, my sister and I (sometimes while living only 90 miles apart) have been writing letters to one another. Specially selected stationary, stickers–sometimes, words from the heart–always. We both find we express ourselves well in written word and have loved the idea of chronicling our journeys (literally, at times from Germany to Holland to England and figuratively through some of life’s toughest terrains).
I’d like to write to you, Dear Sister, the way I often write to my sister, Amy.
PS- Write back (leave a comment). One of the most anticipated elements of letter writing is sending the letter off and awaiting a reply.
The day is dreary and this morning gave us a surprise. I can only stomach a smoothie.
Do you know the type of day I describe?
It amazes me how much has caught us by surprise. How a manner of things we have dealt with, elements that would shock, rather than surprise, have become, somewhat, sadly, common. I still wonder when things will seem normal. But what is normal? And, “seem” never was solid. “Seem is,” synonymous with “appear to be” and “pretend.” It would appear that we can’t seem to rely on anything short of the Lord. And, I do believe that is exactly what these long years have taught us. We love. We lose. We cling. We carry. We drop. We drown. We catch our breath. We let go. We let God.
We let God be. Our mother. Our father. Our grandparent. Our husband. Our home.
It is the afternoon, now. The sun has peered and peek-a-booed and decided to shy away from today. I’ve resigned to droplets of Vitamin D from the cabinet, the one above the microwave. I am embracing the moody clouds that seem to match the mood of the day. You know I’d be quite content to curl up on the couch, the old green one that doesn’t fit in the family room, with my Yorkshire tea, kitty, and a mystery. But it seems I needed to pour from my soul, rather than the kettle, Sister. I needed to solve a few things stirring in me, rather than a who-done-it-on the TV.
I haven’t solved anything. Only resolved once again to surrender what I think I need. What I feel is best. To let God, again, be my everything.
I’m listening to that song, again. The one, that undid me walking, with a childlike gait, in Aberdeen.”You always had my back . . .” (from the garden to the cross…from here and beyond!). The computer is crooning. The Spirit is comforting.
Isn’t it amazing how the Holy Spirit gets all the way under the rubble–to the crushed dust, the ash, the soot? Not a speck gets swept aside. Each piece and particle inspected and sanctioned for beauty.
It’s a bit dusty, at the moment, but I can see beauty. The ash that smears between my fingers leaves a stain of loveliness to come.
There’s a smidgen of blue, now, pushing through above the pines. It’s a baby blue. Soft like a lullaby and yet as bright as a new box of crayons. I hope you are seeing this hue above you, wherever you are today, too.
In yoga class, the teacher shared an analogy of letting go. “Imagine a tennis ball in your grip,” she said softly. “If I asked you to let go, it is likely that you would envision throwing the ball, tossing it, dropping it. But look at it like this: Letting go is simply loosening your grip. Uncurling your fingers. Unclenching your muscles. Relaxing your hand. Not concerning yourself with the ball. Letting the ball do what it will do. Only concern yourself with you”
Letting go must simply, then be, not holding on.
Are there things you thought you had let go of? Only to find you are still holding on? Not relaxing your hand?
I’ve been holding things that don’t even fit into my hand, Sister.
I resign again (as many agains as I must) to let God be. My mother. My father. My grandparent. My husband. My home.
Loads of Love,
PS- Should you wonder what smoothie I’ve doubled down on today, Here is my current favorite concoction:
Chocolate Date (Soothing Stomach) Shake
1 Tblsp. of cacao powder
1 scoop of Vital Proteins Collagen Powder
1 scoop L-Glutamine powder
1 Medjool Date
1 tsp. honey
1 cup (ish) of coconut milk (or any nut milk)
1/2 tsp. ashwagandha (if you are feeling shook)
ice cubes to thicken (if bananas aren’t frozen)
sometimes I add in about Tblsp. of wild blueberries or a handful of spinach
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