Shifts and Seasons

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It’s funny how some things feel like they will never change.  Seasons that seem like they will never end.

Winter.  Winter.  Winter.

Hot summer.  Hot summer.  Hot summer.

And then, one unexpected day something shifts.  Like a shadow.  A flower blooms.  A leaf falls to the ground, and you wonder when exactly it turned from green to yellow.  Suddenly, the scorching summer is but a shadow.  Yesterday doesn’t turn into today.  Yesterday, just turns . . .

 

 

 

into a memory.

Have you experienced this?  

I’m in a shadow shift.

I’ve had little ones at home for almost 13 years.  I was expecting one more year with Rocco.  It was summer, and then shift.  Suddenly, after two days of school, half days turned into whole days.  Like an unexpected wind.  He was thrilled about it and I was confused at how I just lost two at the same time to full days.

“I want to eat lunch with my friends,” from one.  And, “don’t walk me in,” from the other.

The wind, biting.

All four of my kids are in school everyday – ALL day.  It’s kind of “wahoo” and kind of “what just happened?”  I’d be lying if I didn’t say I often fantasized about this moment.  And, yet when I greeted the moment and the milestone it felt all kinds of awkward.  Part really good.  And, part really sad.  Two ends of the spectrum bidding for me to choose a side.

I felt a little seasonless for a few weeks.

My days aren’t exhausting anymore, but after school and evenings are full on and full – time.  I’m wearing more hats, driving my older ones to a lot more activities, and finding calendar keeping to be challenging.

Tuesday I think about having another baby.  Wednesday I think how nice it is to go the grocery store on my own, without a pack attached to my leg and someone peeing on the cart (yes, this did happen to me).  The bidding beckons as I try to stare down the shadow and fix my focus on an era ending.

Endings are just beginnings, I remind myself.  You are at a beginning, not an ending.  The end of winter is really just the beginning of spring.  Is it not?

I’m settling into the shift.  Welcoming fall.  Realizing summer, forever, is nothing short of stuffy.  I smile at the shadow, at yesterday; it’s brought me to today.  And, today, the leaves are turning all kinds of golden.

 

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Responses

  • dawn
    Commented on October 1st, 2015 at 8:45am

    beautifully written … especially the last paragraph … lovely

  • Trina
    Commented on October 1st, 2015 at 2:54pm

    @dawn, Thank you, Dawn! xo

  • jen s
    Commented on October 5th, 2015 at 6:17am

    im a stay at home mom to 2 kids. almost 5 and 14 months and pregnant again and due in february. at one point we were so happy with our daughter we really thought maybe we’d just have one(hence the age gap). that wed have more time and energy and money and love to give. if we were content, then maybe the average 2 wasnt for us. she started preschool when she was almost 3, only 2 days a week for 2.5 hours. i imagined myself getting a lot more free time. but something happened. i met the Lord. my life amd heart charged. i got pregnant with my son, now i imagined a much larger family. my daughter started struggling in school and at home and it seemed like homeschooling was the best option for our family. i brought her home and it was definietly for the best. certainly not an easy decision. so now as im waiting on our third baby, and for our appraisal for our home to happen, so we can move 2 hours away. this is the season of my life i had not pictured. 3 kids. homeschooling. 2 kids under 1 1/2, packing up all our belongings and moving to a bigger house, more bedrooms, and room to homeschool. my sister is going on her second year of having kids in full time while shes a stay at home mom. i dont envy all her free time though. thats not my life, not the path that ive chosen, not my walk. its so important to accept the gift that God has given you today, even if its messy and chaotic and looks a lot like peeing on a grocery cart. and its especially beautiful to see this day as a gift when you hadnt even imagained it, when it wasnt part of the “plan” but here it is. i hope this season is filled with nothing but happiness and growth for you and your family. xo

  • Trina
    Commented on October 13th, 2015 at 11:45am

    @jen s, The Lord changes everything doesn’t He! Each of our paths is different and sometimes they vastly change during different seasons. I’m so glad you are able to appreciate the season you are in and you are able to enjoy your little ones even in the busy and the chaos and peeing on grocery carts :) Our plans are not always the Lord’s and sometimes life just happens, but His way is perfect and the things you learn on the path you didn’t quite anticipate are priceless. Enjoy your new season too! xo .t

  • lisa thomson-the great escape
    Commented on October 7th, 2015 at 6:22pm

    So pretty. I can remember those feelings too, Trina. Once my kids were both full time at school. It’s bitter sweet. You’re still super busy with all that motherhood entails though. I love fall!

  • Trina
    Commented on October 13th, 2015 at 11:34am

    @lisa thomson-the great escape, It is very bitter-sweet and yes, still very busy. Happy fall! xo . t

  • Heather
    Commented on October 9th, 2015 at 7:04am

    Lovely and true. Thanks for sharing, Trina.

  • Trina
    Commented on October 13th, 2015 at 11:34am

    @Heather, Thank you for reading! xo . t

  • Christine
    Commented on October 9th, 2015 at 10:38am

    So encouraged by this today, thank you!
    Christine

  • Trina
    Commented on October 13th, 2015 at 11:34am

    @Christine, Aww….thanks for reading! xo . t

  • Michelle
    Commented on October 11th, 2015 at 9:39am

    Amen! My seasons may look a little different, but I experience them all the same. I am learning to embrace the beauty of each season and gracefully accept that each season will have an end. Thank you for writing this.

  • Trina
    Commented on October 13th, 2015 at 11:35am

    @Michelle, Grace certainly has a lot to do with it. And, age and realizing that time is precious is helping me to embrace and be thankful for what was and what is. xo . t

  • emily
    Commented on October 11th, 2015 at 11:09pm

    my youngest just started kindergarten too…so, this post totally resonated with me. beautifully written, and exactly what my heart has been feeling these past few months.

  • Trina
    Commented on October 13th, 2015 at 11:37am

    @emily, So glad these words found you. It’s always the shift that stings…I think. But, when things even out a bit, you find the goodness in the new season and gratefulness for the one that passed. xo . t

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