currently still

confetti-head

it seems to me like a good number of you are at endings.   which really only means you are at a beginning.  maybe many beginnings.  sometimes before you get to those endings (that come with beginnings), you are stuck at the beginning of the end (i hope i’m making sense here).  a precipice.  waiting.  waiting.  waiting.  pacing. pacing. pacing.  feeling very real pangs of grief and sadness that somehow collide with disant raspy whispers of hope and wholeness.  a faint call to what could be.  maybe what you think should be.  but, certainly an invitation to tomorrow.

this beginning of the end.  it can be a terrible place to be.  because beginning of the ends are really just another name for a place called waiting.  in the waiting place you may sit and wait.  or you may sit and stew.  sometimes you sit and come up with 100 and 99.5 things to do.  things you are sure need doing and your the one to get them done.  and just as you feel 1000% inspired, you wake up the next day with brain freeze that you only wish came from mint chocolate chip ice cream.  you feel physically overwhelmed at the thought of doing SOMEthing, because all you think you can manage is NOthing.  and, when you are ready for SOMEthing you can’t separate it from EVERYthing.  you can’t come up with words, designs, or dinner.  one day you’ll write the 100 and 99.5 list of things to do and the next day the grocery list completely daunts you.

i wish i had a solution.  i’m kind of there too.  but, solutions aren’t always answers or fool proof.  the one thing i know is that this a place.  and the thing about places is that they are for coming and going.  so while you might have stopped for now, you certainly won’t stay.  on the days when you feel like you could run, then run.  run till you can’t catch your breath.  on those freezing, frozen can’t move an eyelids kind of days, let yourself do, just, that.  don’t try to run, you’ll just go in circles.  don’t try to race because these are days you just can’t catch your pace.  just sit and be still and don’t do what doesn’t need to be done.   there are days where you should do NOthing, so tomorrow you have strength for SOMEthing.  and day by day you’ll probably find that you’ll pick up momentum  and you’ll be ready to think about EVERYthing and you’ll start tackling it ONEthing at a time.  you’ll get groove.  you’ll find your pace and you’ll be on to a very different place.

– – – –

i’m taking a little unintentional blogging break that somehow seemed to start last week.  my kids are on spring break and i think my mind is too.  rather than struggle for words and inspiration i’m just going to take some time to be still.  and, i’ll still be hanging out on instagram and pinterest, twitter and facebook too.  and, i’ll be back in this space soon too!

xo . t

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Responses

  • Angela Daz
    Commented on March 28th, 2014 at 8:04am

    I so get this. I’m waiting, waiting, waiting until April 30th. My job will come to an end. A place I’ve worked at for over 25 years. But I’m also excited. I get an opportunity to try something different. And I’m getting a year’s worth of severance to help ease the stress of being unemployed. So I’m anxious for this new beginning in my life and the possibilities I will encounter.

    Enjoy your break…..

  • Trina
    Commented on April 2nd, 2014 at 11:23am

    hi angela. wow! congratulations on 25 years….how faithful. i just wrote a post, the other week on endings actually being beginnings. it’s hard to see things come to an end sometimes, but i know something really great is about to begin for you. xo . t

  • Savvy in San Francisco
    Commented on March 28th, 2014 at 4:09pm

    I’ve been on that unintentional break since Christmas! Yikes! Enjoy! XX

  • Trina
    Commented on April 2nd, 2014 at 11:21am

    that is awesome. i think i might like that long of a break…but then i just can’t help myself sometimes. i’ve got to get words out – ha! xo . t

  • Polly
    Commented on March 31st, 2014 at 3:00pm

    This is only the 2nd time I’ve popped into your blog in about 6 months and once again I came across a post which I need (the other one was the beginnings one). Man this made me cry but the words are so true! I hope you are ok, everything will be alright in the end, stay strong.
    I’ve been pinning lots of inspiring quotes recently and it really helps. http://www.pinterest.com/pollyrowan/
    I’ve also just started following your beautiful Pinterest! Lovely!

  • Trina
    Commented on April 2nd, 2014 at 11:21am

    hi polly! thanks for commenting again. and again, so glad these words found you. i’m so grateful when the right words find me at the right time so this is the very reason, i write, in hopes that the words written here are for someone that needed them. and same with the imagery. sometimes we just need to gaze upon lovely things. i’m ok. just learning and growing and life you know. it’s a hard business sometimes, but a beautiful one. ooh, i love all of those quotes on pinterest too…i wish i could just imprint them on my heart. but, glad i can at least keep them on a board. hope you are having a lovely week. xo . t

  • lisa thomson
    Commented on April 1st, 2014 at 1:30am

    There is beauty in the ‘waiting’ but it’s often hard to see. This is beautifully written, t. Thought provoking.

  • Trina
    Commented on April 2nd, 2014 at 11:16am

    thank you, so very much. it’s certainly hard to see any other place when you are stuck in your current place. i wrote a bit today about a way to find the beauty in the waiting. xo . t

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