I forget

I forget . . . #motherhood

I forget things all the time.  It didn’t used to be this way.  I used to be excellent at remembering.  Well, with the exception of . . .

I forget . . . #motherhood

I forget things all the time. It didn’t used to be this way. I used to be excellent at remembering. Well, with the exception of . . .

names.  I’ve never been great at that.  Because when you introduce yourself I’m talking at the same time, in my head of course, saying “don’t forget their name! Remember their name! Focus!,” and then I’ve missed it all together.  But, I’d never forget your face.

Back to remembering, I can tell you what I wore on a random day in 1992.  Royal blue plaid, probably Esprit, tight-rolled pants, worn with a white button up blouse that was adorned with embroidered fuchsia flowers on the collar, and accessorized with black velvet loafers (like these) and large gold and pearl earrings that peek-a-booed through my feathered winged aqua-net drenched hair.  I’m not sure if it’s because I have a picture of myself in this outfit or because I just could remember every detail.  I think it was because I could remember.  I was good at details.

These days I forget details and dates and to-dos and some days I can’t even remember where I put my phone five minutes ago.  Last week, I left the house for a basketball game and realized I had no phone, half-way there.  When I returned, after searching everywhere, I found it on a shelf in the pantry between the banana chips and the cashews.

Today, I forgot an egg carton and a milk jug for Rocco’s Easter craft.  I was busy running out to Target at 7pm last night to get Easter eggs, duct tape, and a two liter for Luke’s class today.  I don’t even know if it counts as forgetting because I never saw the sheet of paper requesting the egg carton and milk jug.  It’s probably buried in the pile of papers I haven’t gone through from last week.  When I was at Target, last night, getting the Easter eggs, duct tape and a two liter, I realized I forgot a gift for my mother-in-law’s birthday.  I didn’t forget, all together.  I remembered a lot of times and asked my husband to ask his dad for suggestions and maybe he forgot and than I forgot to follow up and now I’m embarrassed.  I forget often.

Most weeks I go to the grocery store, with a detailed list and manage to leave missing one or two or several things.  The other month, I left without all of my groceries.  I opened the back of the car and there was nothing there.  My mom was with me and had a good laugh because she said she did the same thing when she was a young mom.  In fact, she said she wasn’t alone because she remembers a girlfriend of hers driving off without her groceries too.

I’m curious . . . do you forget too? 

Maybe not all of your groceries….but things?  Details?  To-dos?

I listened to all the jokes about becoming forgetful after kids.  It’s like you birth parts your brain and you don’t get them back.  I’ve read it’s the lack of sleep and your memory will return when your sleep does.  I’ve heard many mixed stories, half-truths, and “told-you-sos.”  I can’t report if it reverses, at least not yet (I’m getting more sleep, but not enough.  And while I don’t have any newborns I’m finding that having older ones can drain you in different kinds of ways.).  But what I can tell you is that there is a name for that – It’s called Postnatal Depletion (read about it here).  And postnatal depletion can last for up to ten years after giving birth.  The fascinating article confirms states that, “On average, a mom’s brain shrinks 5% in the prenatal period, as it supports the growth of the baby (much of the brain is fat) and is re-engineered for parenthood.”  So there you have it.  My brain has shrunk four separate times by 5% and I could experience memory fog for another five years (Rocco is almost 5).

Forgetting, fog, whatever you want to call- it is normal.

It’s not that I’m disorganized.  It’s not that you don’t have systems.  We do.  I could do better.  I’m sure you could too.  With all thats on your plate, with all thats on my mind, it’s a lot and we are doing the best we can.  We just forget, sometimes.

Five more years of not remembering every detail, five more years of forgetting this or that, five more years to work on giving myself and those around me grace.

We all have more on our plates and minds than we expected and less sleep than we hoped for.

So, let’s forget about being hard on ourselves and others and if there is one thing we try our best to remember let it be grace.

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