hi lovelies. how are you? i’ve been struggling for words. not to find them but to sort and share them. too many to sift through it feels like. but, sharing some is better then giving none. lots of life has been happening and i’ve been trying to live in it more these recent days, than i have in the past few years (which has meant a few lest posts then i’m accustomed to).
so it’s april. the middle to be exact. i somehow managed to escape polar vortex without a cold or a cough. as i look out my window i see bushes dusted in white sprinkled snow and branches budding with the faintest of spring green. inside, i’m in my pj’s keeping company with a box of lotion laced kleenex and two tugging toddlers. it feels a bit confusing and looks just the same. and so does life, sometimes. things changing while you still, very much, feel the same. change changing up things that were supposed to be the things that never changed. it should be no surprise that life is full of changes, but sometimes we are shocked out of our sox surprised by the things that do change (the always stay the sames somehow turning into the never the sames again). and, frankly, shaking the surprise requires change within us. i’m finding that as fast as things can change, change in us can take a slow long time.
i’m in a slow long time.
a time where i’m having to accept things i cannot change (que yesterdays quote) and, at the same time, work on changing myself in the middle of accepting no change (in things that are out of my control). you can feel short changed. it’s the most opposite of places you might ever be. a place of rest and a place of working until you feel feverish. days of hiding followed by being truly found. moments of quitting and eternal commitments. holding on until your fingers are calloused and then quickly letting go, even if it means a fast and long free fall. hoarding the small little “same” somethings you have left and then giving everything because that is really the only way you’ll ever receive what it is you are really needing. dying again and again because then, then there is life…new spring green life. a slow long time of all of that. and, suddenly, a strange new camaraderie with change transpires- change in me. while, all along, feeling short changed i’m actually becoming quite rich. it’s an exchange. and this slow long time that feels like it is only taking is always giving.
lovelies, have you ever felt like you were in a slow long time?
maybe you are in a slow long time right now? forced to change or accept things you can’t change (but wish with all your heart that you could), my hope and prayer for you today is that you’ll find the strength to hold on and the courage to let go and that if you are hiding out you’ll allow yourself to be found. sometimes its a daily decision. but, be encouraged because this slow long time is a time. it can’t last forever, but the beautiful change in you will.
image / melanoushka