a slow long time.

hello

hi lovelies.  how are you?  i’ve been struggling for words.  not to find them but to sort and share them.  too many to sift through it feels like.  but, sharing some is better then giving none.  lots of life has been happening and i’ve been trying to live in it more these recent days,  than i have in the past few years (which has meant a few lest posts then i’m accustomed to).

so it’s april.  the middle to be exact.  i somehow managed to escape polar vortex without a cold or a cough.  as i look out my window i see bushes dusted in white sprinkled snow and branches budding with the faintest of spring green.  inside, i’m in my pj’s keeping company with a box of lotion laced kleenex and two tugging toddlers.  it feels a bit confusing and looks just the same.  and so does life, sometimes.  things changing while you still, very much, feel the same.  change changing up things that were supposed to be the things that never changed.  it should be no surprise that life is full of changes, but sometimes we are shocked out of our sox surprised by the things that do change (the always stay the sames somehow turning into the never the sames again).  and, frankly, shaking the surprise requires change within us.  i’m finding that as fast as things can change, change in us can take a slow long time.  

i’m in a slow long time.

a time where i’m having to accept things i cannot change (que yesterdays quote) and, at the same time, work on changing myself in the middle of accepting no change (in things that are out of my control).  you can feel short changed.  it’s the most opposite of places you might ever be.  a place of rest and a place of working until you feel feverish.  days of hiding followed by being truly found.  moments of quitting and eternal commitments.  holding on until your fingers are calloused and then quickly letting go, even if it means a fast and long free fall.  hoarding the small little “same” somethings you have left and then giving everything because that is really the only way you’ll ever receive what it is you are really needing.  dying again and again because then, then there is life…new spring green life.  a slow long time of all of that.  and, suddenly, a strange new camaraderie with change transpires- change in me.  while, all along, feeling short changed i’m actually becoming quite rich.  it’s an exchange.  and this slow long time that feels like it is only taking is always giving.

lovelies, have you ever felt like you were in a slow long time?

maybe you are in a slow long time right now?  forced to change or accept things you can’t change (but wish with all your heart that you could), my hope and prayer for you today is that you’ll find the strength to hold on and the courage to let go and that if you are hiding out you’ll allow yourself to be found.  sometimes its a daily decision.  but, be encouraged because this slow long time is a time.  it can’t last forever, but the beautiful change in you will.

image / melanoushka

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Responses

  • Katie
    Commented on April 16th, 2014 at 2:53pm

    This is beautiful and every single emotion I’m feeling right now, this week, in my life. That’s exactly it, a slow long time… That I have yet to figure out if it’s coming or going, or here to stay for some unknown amount of (slow,long) time until change catches up or shows its face or stays hidden in the little nuances of the days in and out. This is a beautiful collection of words and feeling:) thank you a thousand times over for sharing.

  • Trina
    Commented on April 17th, 2014 at 7:37am

    thank you, katie. i’m so glad you were able to resonate with these words and the feeling of a slow long time. it’s a hard place to be, but i’ve also found that it is making me into a better person. i’m learning lessons i would have never learned otherwise and growing in my love for others and God. it’s certainly forced me into one day at a time living, which i’ve always had a hard time living in all my other days. sending love and encouragement! xo . t

  • Aunt Pat
    Commented on April 16th, 2014 at 3:53pm

    A favorite line of mine: “I will let time take time.”

  • Trina
    Commented on April 17th, 2014 at 7:32am

    i love all of your lines and love you! xo . t

  • Ruth
    Commented on April 16th, 2014 at 4:11pm

    So perfectly put, Trina. I feel like I’ve been in a “Slow Long Time” for the past couple of years and finally seeing the light at the end of the tunnel. I pray the end of this comes quickly for you. Xoxo

  • Trina
    Commented on April 17th, 2014 at 7:32am

    me too, ruth! i can see the light…thank God… keep carrying on! much love to you!!!! xo . t

  • Jo
    Commented on April 16th, 2014 at 7:25pm

    It’s all in God’s capable hands. I hope you (and all of us) always find peace in the midst of our slow long times.

  • Trina
    Commented on April 17th, 2014 at 7:30am

    yes and yes! there is always peace to be found, even in the most chaotic times :) xo . t

  • Sarah
    Commented on April 16th, 2014 at 8:11pm

    I’ve felt like I’ve been stuck in slow awful change since my parents decided to separate after 34 years of marriage last August. My dad especially has not coped well. As an only child it’s felt especially tough as I deal with this mess it’s left in it’s wake on my own without a sibling to lean on. Their divorce was final the week of Christmas and our usually awesome family holidays were replaced with resentment and confusion amongst other things. Next up is the matter of them selling their home by June. It feels never ending. I still haven’t figured out how to tell our 4 year old Mimi and Papa don’t live together anymore and she’s already asking when she can go swimming at their house this summer. I have to make my mind up every day that it’s going to be a good day no matter what kind of drama is lurking a phone call or email away because it’s completely out of my control. Some days are better than others but I still feel so unsettled. Your words in this post spoke to me with understanding that not even my closest friends have been able to offer- thank you so much for putting yourself and your vulnerabilities out there. I pray for your peace and peace for every other soul out there feeling this way for whatever reasons. xoxo

  • Trina
    Commented on April 17th, 2014 at 7:41am

    sarah, i’m so very sorry. that is such a loss. i’m so glad these words found you…i don’t think it was by chance! sending you an e-mail in a bit! and, thank you for your prayers, i’ll take them. i’m praying for you too !!!! xo . t

  • Genni
    Commented on April 17th, 2014 at 4:01pm

    If ever I was to describe the process of up-rooting a family of 6 from IL to CO…it would be exactly that…A slow…long….TIME. Now, 2 years after we’ve begun this process my house is becoming empty, boxes are becoming full, and the countdown is speeding up–less than one month away. And now that we’ve begun to build a new home, in a new state ,and a new town with new schools, and new friends, I simply can’t believe that the slow long process has become so fast!
    Ever wish-wish-wish for something…then get it and feel like you’re in a race car with your foot on hyper drive? that’s my life. In the packing and boxes, and sorting and tossing out, I see so many memories fleeting by. Where have the past 12 years in this home gone? And I’ve spent so much time oohing and aahhing over my new life in CO, I need more time to give thanks for the life we had here. As change goes, I am a fan. But I have so much love and sweet memories that I can’t help but feel a little sad about the last time I cross that threshold, and hear the door close behind me one. last. time. I have a bad habit of fearing too much happy…I’m learning that it’s ok to be happy..let go, and smile for the sake of simply being happy. and it doesn’t mean something bad has to happen in order to simply be happy and have a heart full of thanks!

  • Trina
    Commented on April 19th, 2014 at 12:48pm

    so much good in your comment, genni. thanks for sharing. i love that you said you need more time to give thanks. i’m learning to give thanks in all things right now and it helps to keep you in day, in the moment a bit more. time goes so fast. and, you are right it is so ok to be happy! being a mom is serious business and sometimes its hard to just stop and be happy….happy for the smiles, happy for full bellies, happy just being with friends and laughing.. it’s medicine, really! and speaking of happy, so happy for you and this exciting new venture. it’s been a long time coming :) i know very happy days are ahead! xo .t

  • Vicki
    Commented on April 18th, 2014 at 10:35am

    On Feb. 4th my life changed forever. My son in-law passed away suddenly at 44 leaving my 35 year daughter and 5 year old grand daughter forever changed. We were the perfect family. Weekends holidays beautiful wedding her birth. Did I take everything we had for granted ? We have listed our home and will move from Orange County to San Diego to help raise our grand daughter. We were always going to move closer just have to do it sooner. People say but your beautiful home how can you leave it ? I will never be that far away from those 2 girls when they need me. A house is just a house. So when I read your blog it comforts me. Thanks so much. For me it is a slow long time.

  • Trina
    Commented on April 19th, 2014 at 12:43pm

    vicki, i am so so very sorry for your lose. life is just too much, sometimes. i’m sure you are a rock for your daughter and grandaughter…you are so right, a house is just a house. family is everything. i’m praying for all….for comfort, strength, an unexplainable peace that washes over your everdays. much love!!! xo. trina

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