running, runners, and life livers.

you guys, i’m running.  this obsessive walker has been pounding the pavement.

i’ve hated running as long as i could remember.

last time i ran was jr. high when i joined the track team.  i joined to hang out with my friends and mostly because the boy i liked was on the track team (this is how jr. highers make decisions).  i hid behind the hurdles (it was just like 20 cheerleading jumps, instead of one).    but, eventually i had to run.  i wasn’t fast so the coach put me in long distance.  i huffed through the 800 meter at meets.  until, one day the one girl who ran the mile race had to go and get sick.  her name was violet.  violet made me sick that day, too, because in her absence, the coach said i had to run the mile.  i flat out told him no and then started crying (because that is what jr. high girls do when they want to get out of something + when they are scared).  he said i was capable and i had to.  i cried the whole 4 times around that gravely track.  probably walked some of it.  pretty sure i talked to myself, mumbled, complained, sang vanilla ice, and willed myself on.  but, i finished.

i’ve been running.

however, the only running i’ve done in recent years is, wishing i could run away from problems and things that just seem to hard to deal with.  i haven’t gotten far.  when you turn your back and take off, the problems don’t.  they have a way of keeping up with you and certainly slowing you down.  your path becomes circular and you find that you finish where you start and start over again.

over the past year, i’ve changed my course and instead of running from (or wasting days wishing i could run) i’m running head into.  dealing with this, dealing with that, letting the wind hit my face, pushing through the thick air that makes me move slow and breaks down my breath.

i was a runner.

now, a life liver.

it’s life living that got me running.  this course change i’ve made is not a noticeable life change (although over time, perhaps, it will be).  the acceptance that days aren’t just for making it through, but for living in.  small choices, little letting gos and long conversations.

one conversation, in particular, which was actually a planning meeting turned into truth talking.  talking about the ways some of us were one foot in front of the other really living life and how we were wishing for more of that (this is a whole other story – i’m sure i’ll share at some point).  out of this life living conversation came the idea to all run a half marathon together.  to do something that seemed pretty scary to us.  i said yes and thought of the consequences of that conversation later.  now, these days a lot of my life living entails running.

life living, running, and maybe turning  into a runner.

last week i said, “sometimes it just takes life and some living to know who you are at what you are made of.” 

i never in my life would have thought that this 5’3″ thing could run 6.5 miles, but i did it (and, oy, i’ve got a ways to go before this race).  things are getting real now.  the race is next month.  i have blisters all over my feet and the time it takes to run long distance is almost the most painful part.  honestly, this is helping me live one day at a time because if i think about what i have to do the next day or the next it’s too much.

have you ever done anything that seemed beyond what you thought you could ever do?  

p.s.  i’d love to hear from you runners, live livers and those that run.

if you love to run, tell me your secrets.  i’d even love to know what you like to wear, listen to, eat, etc.  i’ll take any advice.

i find that some days i feel pretty good and others i think i might die after just the first mile and half.

i’m currently running in the nike flyknit shoes. love them but thinking my flat feet might need something else or some kind of inserts?

images / nike / la la lovely instagram