the other day, i put my grandma’s ring on; wiggled it around my finger.  and, then found myself reaching for a pair of her earrings.  the ones with the signature clasp that she always wore.  my earrings have backs, hers circled around and met together.  i’ve been known to adorn my ears with these earrings when life needed a little adorning.  on days when i faced something big, or when weeks were facing me down.  choosing those earrings was choosing courage, clasping it right on.  i didn’t have to conjure up my own, i just rested in her reserves.  my grandma was bold.  bold when she spoke.  it was a strength, and it was a weakness.   that’s how they come, packaged together, usually.

the other day, i put my grandma’s ring on; wiggled it around my finger. and, then found myself reaching for a pair of her earrings. the ones with the signature clasp that she always wore. my earrings have backs, hers circled around and met together. i’ve been known to adorn my ears with these earrings when life needed a little adorning. on days when i faced something big, or when weeks were facing me down. choosing those earrings was choosing courage, clasping it right on. i didn’t have to conjure up my own, i just rested in her reserves. my grandma was bold. bold when she spoke. it was a strength, and it was a weakness. that’s how they come, packaged together, usually.

she told everyone and anyone about her faith and she sometimes told me off, in front of my friends.  both embarrassed me then, both have emboldened me, now.

with both the earrings and the ring on, i went to church and somewhere between the music and the teaching i found i was sitting in a section that she had once sat in with me.  i remembered in vivid detail what the day was like.  i was upset with her, because she had, yes, embarrassed me….this time in front of my jr. high english teacher.  we had the same blue mini van, ours being a safari and his an astro (this is how i told them apart) and she tried getting in his van instead of ours – cringe and eye-rolls off the chart.   embarrassing then and just laughable now.  looking back, i’d be more embarrased of my behavior then her mix up.

in an instant all of the life between then and now flashed and flooded.  it warmed my heart and chilled it at the very same time.  in a sliver of second i felt the warmth of familiarity and the cold trick of it only being a memory.  so much change.  i twisted and wrung my ring.  round and round.  i meandered through memory after memory hoping to hold onto happy.  i held the ring, the memories, the moment and i let them hold me.

i’m still wearing the ring and wearing eleanor.  i must need her light.  her boldness.  her courage.  her faith.  her i’d do anything for you ness.  who knows, maybe other characteristics i still have to learn about her.  ones i didn’t recognize or appreciate as a  young child and a somewhat self absorbed teenager.  i hope to discover them, still.  and, i hope to find reflections of her in me.  sparkling, shining, shimmering reflections, not glimmering from her ring on my finger or the vintage earrings clasped to my ears, but from my life.  a life of light, boldness, courage, faith, and i’d do anything for you ness.