do you ever feel disconnected, and so you over connect?  as in over connect online?  as in scroll through instagram or facebook looking at the same photos repetitively while repetitively you are looking for something . . . more?

i’ve noticed i’ve developed this habit when i’m feeling a little less than.  less than myself.  less than a wife.  less than a mom.  less than a daughter.  less than a friend.  less than connected, maybe?  last week i spent a lot of time at home, on the couch, not feeling well.   saying no to things i already had said yes to.  missing what i was about to miss out on.  disconnected.  not getting anything done and gorging my eyes on everything that everyone was getting done and getting to do.  the week before i was super connected by way of a conference (a summit, really), and also with my family.   even last week, when i thought i was feeling better, i had the best coffee date with friends where we didn’t talk about anything superficial only official spill your heart state of the union kind of connecting.  i really shouldn’t have felt disconnected, but i did.  i do.  and, so i started to scroll.  there is the compare that can come from the stare, but many times, for me, it’s not even that.  i’m just hanging on to hang out or something of the sort.  maybe this is all sounds strange or strangely similar.  all i know is that being super connected sometimes makes me feel most disconnected.  i’m not sure the solution.  if i switch off, stash the scroll or what.  but, i’m wondering if i’m alone here?

it’s just that, we connect to connect, don’t we?   but, connecting (online) when we feel disconnected will never make us feel connected – completely.

 

do you ever feel disconnected, and so you over connect? as in over connect online? as in scroll through instagram or facebook looking at the same photos repetitively while repetitively you are looking for something . . . more?

i’ve noticed i’ve developed this habit when i’m feeling a little less than. less than myself. less than a wife. less than a mom. less than a daughter. less than a friend. less than connected, maybe? last week i spent a lot of time at home, on the couch, not feeling well. saying no to things i already had said yes to. missing what i was about to miss out on. disconnected. not getting anything done and gorging my eyes on everything that everyone was getting done and getting to do. the week before i was super connected by way of a conference (a summit, really), and also with my family. even last week, when i thought i was feeling better, i had the best coffee date with friends where we didn’t talk about anything superficial only official spill your heart state of the union kind of connecting. i really shouldn’t have felt disconnected, but i did. i do. and, so i started to scroll. there is the compare that can come from the stare, but many times, for me, it’s not even that. i’m just hanging on to hang out or something of the sort. maybe this is all sounds strange or strangely similar. all i know is that being super connected sometimes makes me feel most disconnected. i’m not sure the solution. if i switch off, stash the scroll or what. but, i’m wondering if i’m alone here?

it’s just that, we connect to connect, don’t we? but, connecting (online) when we feel disconnected will never make us feel connected – completely.

i’m not banning blogs, instagram or even facebook (although you’d be the first to go, facebook – sorry.  it’s just you are super annoying – a lot of the time).  because for me, i’ve actually, legitimately, connected this way.  through my blog, i’ve forged some real life, life long friendships.  friends i reach out to to talk life, linger in conversation, and even come together with in person.  it’s beyond the business of the blog.  even, instagram, a photo app has even become a place of great conversation and making new connections.  so i’ve determined (at least for me) it’s all good for the connecting.  just not so much for connecting when i feel disconnected.  because real connecting is communion.  fellowship. and, while i’ve forged connections that have found their way to communion it doesn’t ever happen through a late night scroll, a like, a comment or a share.

sometimes the very simple and sad sounding truth that we don’t even really want to admit to ourselves is that we just feel lonely at times.  throughout the day.  in the night.  it’s a feeling many even may feel guilt feeling.  because, why should we feel lonely when aren’t really alone.  kids hanging on our legs, and husbands home at night.  but, the truth is you can feel alone together.  maybe a scroll, a look or a like might lessen the linger.  usually…it doesn’t.  it won’t.  for some it makes the lonely larger then life.  for others it puts you in a numb like state.  and, others face the chasm of compare.  but, maybe we just stare it down for what it is and skip the screen?  write it out.  work it out.  pray.  call a friend.  be a friend.  even, if it feels forced.  it’s connecting, and it will turn to communion.

maybe you resonate and maybe you don’t.  maybe you feel alone together or maybe you are alone in every sense of the word.  maybe you need a break from social media (i’ve had those and they have been pretty glorious, actually).  maybe you just need to be aware of the stare (like me).  all i know is that today people are more connected than ever and feeling disconnected more than ever.  it’s a strange and scary thing.  i always hope that this space is a place that starts conversations, connects (yes online, because that is the medium) and moves you to communion (perhaps having a meaningful conversation about something you read online that you felt connected to).

i wonder if you ever feel this way dear reader?  if you, sometimes, find yourself connecting for connection, and if you come up short, like i do?   let’s have a conversation.

ps- this is a really great truth telling post by kate errands of wit and delight, “i left social media for a week.  this is what happened.”