disconnectedly connecting

instagram_lalalovely

do you ever feel disconnected, and so you over connect?  as in over connect online?  as in scroll through instagram or facebook looking at the same photos repetitively while repetitively you are looking for something . . . more?

i’ve noticed i’ve developed this habit when i’m feeling a little less than.  less than myself.  less than a wife.  less than a mom.  less than a daughter.  less than a friend.  less than connected, maybe?  last week i spent a lot of time at home, on the couch, not feeling well.   saying no to things i already had said yes to.  missing what i was about to miss out on.  disconnected.  not getting anything done and gorging my eyes on everything that everyone was getting done and getting to do.  the week before i was super connected by way of a conference (a summit, really), and also with my family.   even last week, when i thought i was feeling better, i had the best coffee date with friends where we didn’t talk about anything superficial only official spill your heart state of the union kind of connecting.  i really shouldn’t have felt disconnected, but i did.  i do.  and, so i started to scroll.  there is the compare that can come from the stare, but many times, for me, it’s not even that.  i’m just hanging on to hang out or something of the sort.  maybe this is all sounds strange or strangely similar.  all i know is that being super connected sometimes makes me feel most disconnected.  i’m not sure the solution.  if i switch off, stash the scroll or what.  but, i’m wondering if i’m alone here?

it’s just that, we connect to connect, don’t we?   but, connecting (online) when we feel disconnected will never make us feel connected – completely.

 

instagram_lalalovely

do you ever feel disconnected, and so you over connect? as in over connect online? as in scroll through instagram or facebook looking at the same photos repetitively while repetitively you are looking for something . . . more?

i’ve noticed i’ve developed this habit when i’m feeling a little less than. less than myself. less than a wife. less than a mom. less than a daughter. less than a friend. less than connected, maybe? last week i spent a lot of time at home, on the couch, not feeling well. saying no to things i already had said yes to. missing what i was about to miss out on. disconnected. not getting anything done and gorging my eyes on everything that everyone was getting done and getting to do. the week before i was super connected by way of a conference (a summit, really), and also with my family. even last week, when i thought i was feeling better, i had the best coffee date with friends where we didn’t talk about anything superficial only official spill your heart state of the union kind of connecting. i really shouldn’t have felt disconnected, but i did. i do. and, so i started to scroll. there is the compare that can come from the stare, but many times, for me, it’s not even that. i’m just hanging on to hang out or something of the sort. maybe this is all sounds strange or strangely similar. all i know is that being super connected sometimes makes me feel most disconnected. i’m not sure the solution. if i switch off, stash the scroll or what. but, i’m wondering if i’m alone here?

it’s just that, we connect to connect, don’t we? but, connecting (online) when we feel disconnected will never make us feel connected – completely.

social-media_lalalovely

i’m not banning blogs, instagram or even facebook (although you’d be the first to go, facebook – sorry.  it’s just you are super annoying – a lot of the time).  because for me, i’ve actually, legitimately, connected this way.  through my blog, i’ve forged some real life, life long friendships.  friends i reach out to to talk life, linger in conversation, and even come together with in person.  it’s beyond the business of the blog.  even, instagram, a photo app has even become a place of great conversation and making new connections.  so i’ve determined (at least for me) it’s all good for the connecting.  just not so much for connecting when i feel disconnected.  because real connecting is communion.  fellowship. and, while i’ve forged connections that have found their way to communion it doesn’t ever happen through a late night scroll, a like, a comment or a share.

sometimes the very simple and sad sounding truth that we don’t even really want to admit to ourselves is that we just feel lonely at times.  throughout the day.  in the night.  it’s a feeling many even may feel guilt feeling.  because, why should we feel lonely when aren’t really alone.  kids hanging on our legs, and husbands home at night.  but, the truth is you can feel alone together.  maybe a scroll, a look or a like might lessen the linger.  usually…it doesn’t.  it won’t.  for some it makes the lonely larger then life.  for others it puts you in a numb like state.  and, others face the chasm of compare.  but, maybe we just stare it down for what it is and skip the screen?  write it out.  work it out.  pray.  call a friend.  be a friend.  even, if it feels forced.  it’s connecting, and it will turn to communion.

maybe you resonate and maybe you don’t.  maybe you feel alone together or maybe you are alone in every sense of the word.  maybe you need a break from social media (i’ve had those and they have been pretty glorious, actually).  maybe you just need to be aware of the stare (like me).  all i know is that today people are more connected than ever and feeling disconnected more than ever.  it’s a strange and scary thing.  i always hope that this space is a place that starts conversations, connects (yes online, because that is the medium) and moves you to communion (perhaps having a meaningful conversation about something you read online that you felt connected to).

i wonder if you ever feel this way dear reader?  if you, sometimes, find yourself connecting for connection, and if you come up short, like i do?   let’s have a conversation.

ps- this is a really great truth telling post by kate errands of wit and delight, “i left social media for a week.  this is what happened.”

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Responses

  • elizabeth
    Commented on November 3rd, 2014 at 11:25am

    Totally and completely picking up what you are laying down. All of it. Perfectly and thoroughly articulated: More connected than ever but more disconnected than ever. Ack! And as bloggers we have to grapple with participating in and contributing to the endless scroll as part of our job. It’s all rather confusing and overwhelming at times. But posts like this make me feel less lonely and alone, so thank you for sharing so wholeheartedly. I’m most surprised that loneliness affects people with kids. I would not have guessed that. I do think we are all searching for a feeling, for happiness, and it’s never going to come from other people or things or exciting activities. It’s got to come from within. So hard and such a different way of living than we have been programmed to do in our culture. The other thing I’ve been trying is asking myself “is this useful” when I start to scroll or obsess. It rarely is! Thanks again! Looking forward to continued dialogue on this one!

  • Trina
    Commented on November 4th, 2014 at 11:34am

    thank you, friend! that is the tricky part for us, isn’t it. contributing to it all, trying to find balance ourselves and leading others in the balance as well. i’m just tiring of the almost “tick” like action of having to grab my phone and scroll when i have a second to spare, whether it is in a line, while watching t.v., or when someone else your are with is on their phone. is it coming to the point where we have to be “doing” something at all times? where our minds are so overactive that a few seconds of inactivity feels akward. or maybe the inactivity feels unproductive and so we need something to “do” rather then just “being” for a few. i don’t know … these are things i’m thinking through. and, habits i personally have created. i, find, for me, that it is always over exaggerated when i feel lonely or alone. i think i somewhat had the assumption that when i got married i wouldn’t feel lonely because i wasn’t alone. it just wasn’t true. and, really it can be the same with children. when you are home with young children, it can especially feel lonely or isolating. so you really long for meaningful conversation and connection. but, you hit it right on the head when you said that a feeling, happiness, etc. can’t come for another person, thing, (etc)… it comes from within. let’s def continue this conversation. i think i already feel another post coming on! xo . t

  • Libby
    Commented on November 3rd, 2014 at 12:13pm

    So well said. “be aware of the stare”…poignant. Thank you for sharing,

  • Trina
    Commented on November 4th, 2014 at 11:23am

    i know.. i keep thinking that as i pick up my phone and go to plug it in before bed or unplug it first thing in the morning….it doesn’t requrie a scroll and a stare anytime i pick up my phone or have a second to spare. xo . t

  • Jana
    Commented on November 3rd, 2014 at 4:23pm

    I totally understand what you mean and I totally agree. Sometimes, on days that I am extremely focused at the office job… I have this waves… this impulsive waves to have to interact… and they translate into 5 message to different people on Facebook… 20 likes on instagram,… 50 repins… 10 news followers… A social connection binge that somehow makes me feel less lonely. I am still working on balancing my connection time and make it healthier.

    The first time that I lost my phone was excruciating. I had the feeling of missing out everything. I heard my phone ringing in my head! After a couple of days I didn´t even notice it anymore and I was more at peace with myself. I knew that that phone ringing was not mine… or that I was going to miss those facebook message… and I was ok with it
    Then the new phone arrived… and I forgot about that feeling… I was hooked again…

    On my everyday life I can´t dismiss my phone as much as I would like. And I am unable to make the conscious decision to leave my phone at home and spend the whole day without it.

    That´s why every time that I lose my phone… or break it (as it just happened today) and life forces me to take a break from wasups, instagrams, and phone calls… I smile relieved.

    Lets lose our phones once in a while!

    =D

    Jana
    http://www.thenovember.co

  • Trina
    Commented on November 4th, 2014 at 11:22am

    hi jana! thanks for sharing. i have to say that i’ve enjoyed the times where i can’t find my phone too. there have been times, i’ve just wanted to throw it in the pool this past summer. sometimes i get caught up day dreaming what it would be like to just function with a land line and no e-mail. i remember those days, although i was a kid. however, my first office job, i had no e-mail or mobile phone. i laugh at it now, but sometimes i think fondly of those carbon copy message slips. i feel like as person who’s job requires a lot of time online, i’m really at time where i’m trying to find the balance. and reject the urge that i have to share everything all the time or see everything as something that might be worth sharing. i absolutely loved the walter mitty movie (have you seen it?), where sean penn, who plays a photographer, doesn’t take a photo of the very thing he traveled far to photograph because he said there are some moments he likes to keep to himself. that really stayed with me. there have been times in recent months where a moment has been so magical that i want to capture it so badly so i can keep it forever, but i want to live in it even more so i know remember the feeling. xo . t

  • Jana
    Commented on November 4th, 2014 at 3:48pm

    I will definitely watch the Walter MItty movie… Some people told me that is not that good… or too slow… but I like what you shared of that special moment that Sean Penn wants to keep it to himself. Ill definitely give it a try! Thanks for the recommendation…
    By the way check this out… it might interest you too: http://ideasisland.com/
    I have been trying for a couple of years to be accepted there and spend my stay without any type of connection with the world… as a sort of experiment or mind escape, to try to discover whats inside of my head when I remove all the connectivity.

    =D

    Jana
    http://www.thenovember.co

  • Steph
    Commented on November 8th, 2014 at 8:57pm

    I actually recently did a post on this topic too and I feel the EXACT same way. Great post, and no, you are not alone.

    :)
    http://www.iolablog.com/

  • The Sunday Edition: 6 posts I’ve loved in November
    Commented on December 1st, 2014 at 8:34am

    […] over at La La Lovely writes a beautiful piece on feeling somewhat disconnected while staying overly connected via social […]

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