sometimes the mess is not just on the outside. the mental clutter, every now and again, needs a good clean too. i’m there. life is busy and just as school papers have piled up on every counter and shoes have made a mountain at the door so has the nagging thoughts to fix it all, be it all and do it all. and sometimes its the striving and trying that, instead of clearing the mess, only makes mountains out of it. and since we are on messes, i might as well tell you that most days i feel like a hot mess.
last week was harried and hot. last week of school. baseball games at night. the mister out of town. deadlines. head colds. and so on. last thursday night was almost comical. i was on day 3 of managing the home and kids solo, had a bad cold, 2 deadlines, baseball games . . . you get the picture. to top it off a storm rolled in and our power rolled out with our garage door up and my phone un-charged. my mom came to the rescue. she’s lived these days many and again and knows things like how to unlatch a garage door. we got the car out, the door down and headed to her house for the night. in our hurried and hectic ways, we made it to the last day of school, and stephen made it home before another night of bedtime negotiations.
sometimes its just when we are at the edge of losing ourselves (or feeling like ourselves) that we can be found. for me, it was a walk, a shower a pedicure and dinner with girlfriends. suddenly i felt human again.
yes, 3 nights alone with four little ones, a cold, housework, work work, chauffeuring and so on can be exhausting and yet when i type it out i almost feel ashamed that i’m making such a deal of it. but when your in the thick of it, it’s thick. and likely there is more there, other issues, life living, pressures, stresses, commitments, your life story swirling about in the mix.
i don’t know how to entirely clean the mental mess but i’m working on clearing some of the clutter. likely, the method differs for each of us. but just like cleaning your counters, when you find what works you stick with it. for me, i have to find pockets of quiet. talk a walk. read a book. write. breathe. listen. pray. repeat. i just don’t always have the time or take the time. when i do make time, i fill it with supposed tos and have tos. i’m still not sure how to balance it all. some may have found that magic balance concoction but my hand is up for the hot mess category. yes, i balance the best i can. i find a way to meet deadlines, my kids get bathed and we make it through the day though sometimes it feels like barely.
maybe you are with me and maybe not. but if you are feeling the same way, even if just slightly, than i hope you find a way to de-clutter a bit today or maybe just even sit down and think about what things specifically make you feel more like you again. make a list. keep it close by. or tuck it in a safe spot and pull it out for action when you start to feel like you are losing yourself or you think you might already be lost. finding just a small piece of yourself is still being found.
and i’m curious, what types of things clear your inner clutter? are you a consistently de-clutterer? do you find it hard to take time? and do you think it is easy to found?
and if you need a start here are a few ways to be kind to yourself!
images : pinterest